A step-by-step:
1)      Try to determine if trendy clothing store is not just for women
2)      Attempt to find men’s section (the one floor or back corner)
3)      Get harassed by store person who unleashes a fury of trendy fashion words like triple bootcutcuff and tapercraftseams
4)      Claim “just browsing” defense and scamper away to seek style of clothing that has been out of fashion for 2 to 5 years
5)      Give up, go to Sears or JC Penny
6)      Easily find preferred clothing style, but only in sizes for giant people
7)      Wonder why clearance rack is only XXL sizes
8)      Find potential item worthy of purchase, ask phone for an estimate on the number of slave children required to make it
9)      Travel to thrift shop to be ethical, find only tattered clothing for huge old people
10)   Give up and buy exact copies of current clothes on Ebay
 
Jeff Goes Shopping for Clothes at the Mall with Gulsim (circa 2011)

1)      Complain unnecessarily about consumerism and materialistic culture
2)      Be shut up by being told that he too can be attractive (girls don’t say this to Jeff, generally)
3)      Gulsim finds clothing that is inexpensive and not made for extreme hipsters or fat people
4)      Go home happy!
I am still resolved to open a store called “Men: Skinny and Average” for dudes with wastelines under 34 inches, sizes M, S, and XM and clothing that comes in types such as ‘long’ and ‘thin’ and ‘extra pockets.’
Perhaps I should just shop in the children’s section more often. Because, you know, 5’11 at 150 lbs is child size?